Would we ever get rid of the bad memories?  Will we give up trying and move on with others?

So far, I cannot imagine my life without you in it.

How long will that last?

What I knew would happen could have been the greatest birthday gift. But it was not meant to be.

There were so many things to look forward to with you.  But it was not meant to be.

I have been reborn with new eyes, seeking to learn about the world and life around me.  It’s time to find something new that defines me.  It’s time to find myself.

I love you.

App Shopper: inSing.com NightOut! (Lifestyle).

You pulled me close and reach out to kiss me softly and gentlly.  I did not expect that, for I’ve always had a crush on you and you never knew.

I didn’t care that the kiss was forbidden. It’s the most wonderful feeling I could get at that moment and it may never happen again.

Now I see you everyday remembering that dream I had of you.  Thinking back to that kiss and seeing your face brings a smile to mine and gets me through the day.

I continue to crush on you.

I never saw the difference between races.  I was comfortable to be with anyone, to date any race.  I had a few boyfriends who were Chinese, Malay, Caucasian, Filipino and even Indian (Ok, he wasn’t pure Indian).  And the most ideal relationships I had, was with the non-chinese.

I guess I’m a dreamer.  I’m not saying that the Chinese are not, they are just more ambitious.  And I’m not saying that the other races are not, maybe they’re just not as competitive and just want to enjoy life.  Then again, I’m also not saying that Chinese people do not want to enjoy life.  It’s just that difference races have their own perception of fun.

For the Chinese, I guess it’s having the money to spend on anything they want and that makes them happy.  That’s why they work so hard to get that money, just to be happy.  For the Malays, they probably have the money too, but they enjoy things that doesn’t require a single penny to enjoy.  I could be wrong.  There are general things that different races do, but what makes them unique is their upbringing, the friends they keep and probably the kind of parents they have.

Like my parents, they expect certain things from me that I probably did not thought of or want.  But because from young, they drill that into my heads that I started to want them too, and eventually expect the same from the people around me.

However, in the rarest moments, I’d be surround with people who makes me feel free, makes me want to get out of the rat race and find joy in other things.  That’s when I start to get confused.  Start to crave for another kind of life.  Start to resent what I do.  Start to see the people around me differently.

It’s like from one moment I’m a corporate bitch and the other moment I’m a flower child.  I think I want to be a flower child.  Because the real world scares me.  The competition scares me.

I envy the people who are not afraid to live the way they want to.  To have the life they want.  To go out and get the freedom they deserve.  They are not afraid of being judged, to be stereotyped.  I wish I have that courage.  Why do I not have it?

I’ve been brought up and influence to want so many things.  Why can’t I just be happy with what I have?

Can I change now and still fight for what I believe is right for me?  Is it too late?  Am I too deep in my journey to the ‘right’ way of life?  I think deep down inside, I never wanted to get married.  I’m happy just having a boyfriend, or a few boyfriends  When I feel like it, I want to enjoy the company of certain people.

I like to play safe, yet I wanna take risks.  How do I fix this?

I want you… but I’m afraid.

Of course, don’t just decide to go ‘green’ only on that day.  You can do your part every other day without disrupting your routine.

I realised something about myself.  Whenever it comes to saving the earth, it ignites an interest and need to help and do my part.  I feel excited and just want to spread the word on how we can help.  I don’t completely understand it but it makes me feel good, makes me feel happy. 

It’s starting to clear up for me and I guess I should consider working on something ‘green’ every weekends or during my free time.

Be it educating people or volunteering, I must do something!

Anyways, do visit www.earthday.net to find out more on what the world is doing to help and you can make a pledge too.  It was just minutes ago I visited the site so I can’t tell you now what else they have to offer.  But it’s a start and I hope you would start something too.

Here’s something that can be helpful to office workers:

I’m gonna spend all my free time researching for online business ideas and playing games.

I’m also looking for ways to earn extra money.  Like doing online surveys for a few bucks.  If you know of any services like that, let me know!

They played a lot of new songs which I wasn’t familiar with cos I haven’t listened to their latest album yet – Battle For The Sun.  But I must say, it sound good and I’m so planning to rip it from my friend’s CD which I bought for her for her birthday!

I was also expecting to see a lot of emo-dressed kids but surprisingly, majority are adults, ang mohs and hardly anyone was in emo black outfits with heavily lined eyes and what nots.  Pleasantly surprised. 

However I did expect to see crazy people rocking and them I saw!  One ang moh kid was jumping back and forth, pulled his shirt over his head while flinging his arms wildly in the air (like he just don’t care!).  Thank God he was right at the back of the crowd where the only people in danger of being smacked at were those bringing in cups of beer bought from stalls nearby.

Another Crazy I saw, though not as mental as the ang moh kid (but still just as dangerous), was a young lady dressed almost all in black.  She had a cup of beer in one hand and a lit cig in the other.  And she was rockin’ with the music too, stepping back and forth, beer spilling and cig swinging dangerously close to those standing behind, front of her and those walking pass.  After a while me and my people realised she was getting closer and we feared for our skin.  We kept a close eye on her, making sure she wasn’t in our way and sadly, I missed out a small bit of Every Me And Every You cos I was distracted by that looney….. But I forgive her.

Here’s the song Julien which they performed at Fort Canning…

Anyway, I have to share my Paramore expereince.  Read on…

From www.dontmesswithmycream.blogspt.com

Sunday, March 7, 2010